Use Your Voice

“You’re the only one in this place that has a voice and uses it.”

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I Forgive Me

Dear me, I forgive you.

I forgive you for all the times you doubted yourself. For all the times you thought you weren’t good enough. For all the times you hated your body and didn’t eat. For all the times you hated the way you look. For all the times you got angry with yourself for failing. For all the times you thought you were stupid. For all the times you said you’d go for a run and didn’t. For all the times you binge watched TV instead of being productive. For all the times you talked yourself out of an amazing opportunity. For all the times you felt like giving up.

You shouldn’t ever doubt yourself. You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. You have always been good enough, in fact, you’re more than good enough and anyone that doesn’t see that isn’t worth your time. Your body is amazing. It housed and grew beautiful babies. Fuel it, nurture it, eat all your favorite foods, take your vitamins, and drink water. You are perfect just the way you are and all those things you hate about yourself someone else loves, you should too. Failure is just a stepping stone to success, learn from it instead of beating yourself up and getting angry. You are smart, always have been and always will be because you are always willing to learn. Knowledge is power. Don’t beat yourself up for not going on a run when you said you would, life is busy. Binge watching TV is your own little form of self care and it’s okay to take a day here and there to relax. You deserve it. There are always going to be new opportunities coming your way, maybe the ones you missed weren’t meant to be and that’s okay.

Thank you so much for never giving up. I know life gets hard and giving up feels like the only option. It’s too easy to throw in the towel and call it quits, but look at you. You are still here. You didn’t give up. You are dealing with the bad days, the rough days, the why is this happening to me days and you are still thriving. You’re not where you wanted to be and you’re not where you thought you’d be, but look at all you’ve accomplished. You have done amazing things and you are going to do amazing things. Keep refusing to give up. Keep letting out all those frustrations out and keep pushing forward.

Life is very complicated. The things people say are going to circulate around in your head. They’re going to be louder than you want them to be. The bad days are going to feel like they outweigh the good days, but I promise you they don’t. I forgive you for all the hell I’ve been through. I’m my own worst critic and it makes things harder, but I’m learning. I’m growing, thriving, and doing my best. Some days my best will be amazing and other days it’ll barely feel like I’m hanging on, but I will still be doing my best. I’m so incredibly proud of you. You’re hard on yourself, but you’re learning not to be. You’ve accomplished amazing things. You are an amazing, talented, beautiful, brilliant woman. Take care of yourself. Never give up. Always do your best. Love like there’s no tomorrow.

Love, Me.

New Year Same Me

Last year I told ya’ll about how I don’t set new year’s resolutions. Every day can be a new year or a new chance to create a ‘new you.’ April 1st to April 1st, 365v days that makes a year. Why we put so much pressure on ourselves to set resolutions to become healthier, happier, set goals, etc. on January 1st I’ll never understand. You can set those goals/resolutions anytime and start from there. Anyways, so yeah that hasn’t changed. New year, no resolutions, same me, and I don’t care if you like it.

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Much Needed Me Time?

I never intended to take so much time off and basically go missing in action, but here we are. I’ve always been very transparent and real with all of you and I’ll continue to do that. These last few months have been quite the whirlwind. Here’s that you missed.

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Well for starters, I got a full time job outside the house. Seems crazy with all I do right (ptc, work 2 jobs from home, juggle marriage, 2 kids, etc), but here we are. With the way the world is right now and this virus, I can’t volunteer at the school and I’m not sure where that leaves me with the ptc since we can’t go into the school. I guess you could say since I had some free time I needed to fill it. Haha! I was a stay at home mom for five and a half years before getting back into the workforce, I work graveyard, and my job is very physical. I guess I forgot what all went into working outside the home and everything that goes with it. It has been a huge adjustment and so exhausting. I finally feel like I’ve adjusted to the work, schedule, and trying to juggle everything in life.

My mom decided to live her dream and moved to Montana. I of course selfishly wanted her to stay because I don’t know life without her and she’s always been no more than 15-20 minutes away. I’m happy for her though, she’s living the dream and she loves it there. It’s a weird feeling knowing she’s 12 hours and nearly 700 miles away now. That’s a big difference than the 15-20 minute drive to her house.

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Shortly after my mom moved, my sister and my nieces moved to Montana too. If you have a sister, you know the relationship has its upside and downs, its love and hate, our relationship was no different. We didn’t always get along, but I love her and my nieces so much. I was sad when they moved. It was like my whole family was leaving and I wouldn’t get to see them again. We keep in touch, but some days the phone calls and texts just don’t feel like enough. More recently my brother also moved up there. I miss them all so much.

Right after my mom moved to Montana, the kids and I took a trip up there. Our first away vacation in years. The trip itself felt like it took forever as we drove there, but the views along the way were amazing. Not much to see through Washington, but Idaho was gorgeous and Montana is on another level of beauty. We helped my mom get all settled in unloading the moving truck and unpacking, saw all the sites, and did a little shopping. I even had the chance to drive another 7 hours to meet my best friend who lives in North Dakota that I haven’t seen in over a year. It was an amazing, fun filled trip.

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After spending 8 days in Montana, I was all to excited to get back home. Montana is beautiful, but it didn’t feel like home to me, even with my family there. I think it was because my husband was back home. When we got home, I was surprised with a bedroom makeover. While we were gone, my husband apparently was so bored that he gave our bedroom a makeover. He painted to walls, picked out new curtains, bought a new decorative sign, and bought a new headboard. It was a nice surprise to come home to and something I’ve wanted to do for a while.

In September I celebrated my 32nd birthday. Honestly I was not looking forward to turning 30 or being in my 30s, but it isn’t any different. My 30s so far have been the best years of my life. Remember with 30 comes not caring and it feels so freeing to not give a f**k about anyone or anything they have to say. So yeah I’m a little older now, probably a little more crazy, but definitely more carefree than ever. I’m just out here trying to live the best life I can and I’m absolutely obsessed with it. I love my 30s.

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More recently this month, I was in a car accident on my way home from work. I got very lucky and it was definitely scary. I wasn’t injured thankfully and now we’re just waiting to hear from the insurance company about getting my car fixed. I have noticed, driving freaks me out a bit more than it did. I think that’s just because it’s still so fresh. Usually Thanksgiving is spent at my moms house with my whole family and what feels like a million kids running wild. It looked nothing like that this year. I worked the night before arriving home at 6am and heading to bed as my husband was waking up to start cooking. It was just my husband, the kids, and myself. It was quiet house and honestly I missed the chaos.

Over the last few months there’s been tears, laughs, sadness, happiness, and frustration. I’ve missed my family. I’ve worked myself to the point of exhaustion. I’ve felt lonely and isolated because it felt like all I was doing was working and my family feels so far away. My mental health has been up and down. I became overwhelmed with everything I took on and struggled to find a balance. I’m still learning to say no and let go of all the things I don’t need or want to be doing. Overall life has been a rollercoaster, but I’m taking it one day at a time and doing my best always.

Did Ya Miss Me?

Obviously I’ve been away for the better part of the last two months. Popping in from time to time to write a blog or post on our socials. Although it wasn’t 0lanned or intentional, it was much needed. I definitely took on too much in life and I was drowning there for a while.

I’m not even mad about it. The old me would be stressing out and pushing myself to exhaustion to keep up with everything. The new me though, I like her. She understands life gets busy and so much has been going on that priorities have changed for the time being. Although Sassy Mamaroo is a main priority, as of the last two months it wasn’t. Life events have changed things and now that everything is going back to “normal” it will be.

Life is funny like that. We can’t always control what happens to us or how things will affect us. We just simply do the best we can with the hand we are dealt, even if that means less than we feel like we need to be giving. All in all I’m excited to be getting back on track and writing.

Don’t forget new blogs come out every Monday and Friday. Podcasts are out every Wednesday and although I haven’t been posting them here much, I will be. I look forward to sharing everything with all of you and what’s happened since I’ve been gone.

Change Isn’t Always Easy

Change is always happening. The world is constantly changing. You are constantly changing. Your life is constantly changing. Everything is constantly changing. Change can be good or bad. Usually even on the worst days change is for the better, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. But does change come easily? Are you ready for the changes?

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Stop Chasing People

I moved out of my hometown 10 years ago. I didn’t go far, just a town over, a short 15-20 minute drive. I didn’t want to go too far from my family, but my husbands work had plans to move so the drive would be closer for him. When we moved I did my best to keep in touch with everyone. I messaged when I knew I was going to be in town and I messaged when I was in town unexpectedly. When I stopped, the phones were dead. No text messages, no phone calls, nothing. Friendships ended.

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I’m The Bad Guy

For as long as I can remember every story has a good guy and a bad guy. Ariel and Ursula. The 3 little pigs and the big bad wolf. Simba and Scar. Alladin and Jafar. Alice and the queen of hearts. You see what I mean? There was always a bad guy. Today I realized I might be the bad guy.

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Music Sets My Soul On Fire

There’s so many genres of music. You can literally find a song to fit any mood, celebrate any life event, help with your mental health, bring up memories, or just help you get things done. Music just feeds my soul in ways nothing else can and I’m here for it. I’m a music junky. My taste in music is literally all over the place.

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Working Moms Deserve All The Credit

If we’re being honest, all moms deserve all the credit. Moms are constantly being underrated for all that they do. All the cooking, cleaning, everything for the kids, and everything in between. Motherhood is not an easy journey, but for this instance I want to focus on working moms.

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