I have officially finished my 60 day challenge and it feels so good. When I originally started it was a 30 day challenge to find myself. 30 days was not enough and it was a very rough idea. Over the first 30 days it was a bit more defined and I decided to extend it and keep going. I felt like I lost myself and I just wanted to find me.
It all started with me feeling like I lost myself and didn’t know who I was anymore. I had essentially become lazy the last year and just didn’t feel like myself anymore. I was taking care of myself and making self care a priority or so I thought. It’s weird I talk about how important self care is and why it’s so important, but apparently for myself, I was just going through the motions. I was doing face masks and taking time for myself, but that wasn’t the self care I needed. I thought my mental health was great, but it was just being pushed farther and farther under the surface. I was avoiding it in a sense and keeping myself busy until it finally blew up. I desperately needed to work on myself.
The idea to make a 30 day challenge to find myself came from my mental health suddenly spilling up over the edge, not feeling like myself, and just essentially in a super weird place that scared me. I jotted down a few ideas I thought would help me get back to a good place. Practicing proper skincare, taking care of myself, taking more time for me, saying no, reading more, getting up earlier and forcing myself to get to work immediately (more productive?). As the first 30 days ran on, I discovered I was so wrong. The things I jotted down definitely needed to be better redefined. I didn’t need what I thought I needed. I redefined my ‘guidelines’ and decided to go for another 30 days.
For some reason I thought wearing makeup would help me get back to myself because I used to wear it almost every day, but since we were stuck at home the last year I really wasn’t. Wrong. I don’t really care for wearing makeup much anymore and I’m okay with that. Where I thought getting up early and getting to work would make me more productive, I was wrong. Getting up early and getting to work immediately made me feel exhausted and stressed. The house would be clean, but I felt like I was cleaning it more to keep up with my family. Saying no, reading more, taking time for me, taking care of myself, and practicing proper skincare were spot on though.
The last 30 days of the 60 day challenge were absolutely amazing. I discovered that weird place I was in was growth. Not the growth I’m used to, but growth. I didn’t lose myself, I just hadn’t discovered the new me yet. She was a stranger to me and I needed to get to know her. Always having terrible skin, makeup was my daily go to. Since my skin has cleared up a bit the last year, I didn’t feel like I needed to wear makeup anymore to cover my skin. I discovered I love running and it makes me happy. I feel relaxed and calm after running. It’s also helped my mental health and helped me feel like I have control for once. I discovered I still love reading, I just wasn’t giving myself the time during the day to sit down and read. I kept myself on the go so my mental health struggles couldn’t creep up on me.
I fell in love with the new me. She seemed so different and new. It was great getting to know her. I learned so much about myself. It seems weird to learn new things about yourself when you would think you already know everything. I’m so glad I got to know the new me instead of trying to change her. I can’t imagine trying to destroy myself because I felt like I was in a weird place. I didn’t notice my growth. I didn’t notice the changes that were happening were good. I didn’t notice that I was becoming a better version of myself. My growth usually happens over time, but I’m aware of small changes. I think because I struggled with my mental health so much over the last year, I didn’t notice that these changes and the growth I was going through was good.
Moral of the story, growth literally happens in the weirdest, sometimes fastest, sometimes slowest, unseen way. It may fell like the greatest thing ever or it may feel scary and unfamiliar. No matter how you go through growth, embrace it. If you feel like you’ve lost yourself, discover the new you and all the things that comes with. No longer like makeup, don’t wear it. No longer like that hobby, stop doing it. Whatever you are finding out about yourself, embrace it. You are discovering a better version of you, fall in love with her. Make her proud of you.