I discovered Tik Tok because of my son back in March. It was my escape from the crippling depression that was setting in and my declining mental health. Laughter is the best medicine, right? I was going to dance the depression away. I can’t dance though, but I still have fun doing it. As I’ve said many times before inspiration comes from everywhere.
I fall into the hole of scrolling through Tik Tok aimlessly for hours on end. It happens to the best of us. Recently I came across a Tik Tok by @thehonestbeard. You can watch the Tik Tok here. He basically says he doesn’t think you should put kids first and his reasons why. I know there’s going to be a lot of people that disagree with him and a lot that will. His point is valid. His reasoning is on point. I found it very enlightening and I realized something about my own relationship.
I’ve said on here before, but my relationship had a very rough patch. We fought all the time. We struggled to communicate. Things were not good between us. I’m surprised we even survived as long as we did. I said I don’t know when, how, or why things changed, but they did. I think I know why and I have Tik Tok to thank for that, specifically @thehonestbeard.
I only have myself to blame. I am taking full responsibility. Our relationship changed when our kids got older and I quit giving all of myself to them. Yep I was that mom. Taking care of my kids 24/7. Choosing to play with them instead of spending time with my husband. Choosing to put my relationship aside for any reason or anything my kids needed and it didn’t matter. I never realized I did it until now. I never realized I put my relationship on the back burner because we had kids.
Now he’s not suggesting, neither am I, that you should not take care of your kids. Simply that they shouldn’t come first. That means taking care of your kids, meeting their basic needs, but not neglecting your relationship in the process. Your relationship is for the rest of your life. That’s the person you’re going to grow old with. Lay in bed next to. Do everything together for the rest of your life. Your kids however, will grow up and get their own lives. They should be loved unconditionally and taken care of, but they shouldn’t come first.
I spent all my time putting my kids first. I felt like that was what a good mom did and I wanted nothing more than to be a good mom. What I didn’t realize was I was neglecting my relationship. I wasn’t putting in any effort because all my effort was going to my kids. When did it all change? When my kids were old enough that they didn’t need me 24/7 anymore. That’s when everything started to change. As they didn’t need me all the time any more, I was putting more and more time into my relationship. Now my kids are 9 and 14. They don’t even notice when I leave the house anymore. HAHA.
Don’t get me wrong, there are still times my kids come first. When they’ve had a bad day and just want me to sit with them or talk with them. When they are crying and just need a hug. When they’re hungry and can’t make what they want (most of the time they’ll cook or try to cook for themselves). You know situations where I need to be there. My kids will always come first when they need to, but until then my husband does.
I think part of it too was us growing. As we got older we grew together and became more prepared for marriage. If that makes since. We were young when we got married (I was 19). Between our growth and me having more free time, our relationship also grew. We started connecting on a level I didn’t know was possible. We laughed together more. Went on more dates. We found out we liked a lot of the same things. We fell in love all over again. That was the biggest bonus, falling in love all over again. Since then our relationship has been awesome. He’s the one person I look forward to seeing, talking to, and spending time with. He’s my best friend.
Don’t get me wrong, spend as much time as you can with your kids. The time goes by so fast, but don’t put your relationship on the back burner in doing so. Take the time for dates, even if that’s watching a movie from the comfort of your bed after the kids fall asleep. Laugh more and tell each other cheesy jokes. Learn about their favorite hobby, activity, sport, whatever. Cook together. Hold hands. Fall in love all over again. Whatever you do, make time for your relationship and make it a priority.