When people tell me they think I’m a good mom, I laugh. I laugh because I’m a mess. I don’t see what they see. I try to be as real as possible when it comes to any aspect of my life and I hope it shows. I’m not striving to look perfect or be perfect. I do accept their compliment, but it seems so wild to me.
I’m the mom that forgets homework on the table. Forgets to give her daughter her inhaler in the morning. Always burns the cookies. Forgets about dress up days during spirit week. Forgets about promises I made to my kids until it’s too late. Forgets about doctor, dentist, and orthodontist appointments until that reminder hits my phone the day before. Leaves permission slips by the front door the last day they can be turned in. Forgets about the laundry in the washer. Buys pizza to avoid cooking. I’m the mom that forgets everything, can’t bake, and feeds their kids pizza too often.
But I’m also the mom that schedules movie nights with her kids as often as possible and brings all their favorite snacks. Stays up late to move the elf on the shelf. Bakes with her daughter despite how bad she is at it. Always shows up for her kids when they need her. Gets on the floor to play. Plays on the play structures at the park. Runs her daughter a bubble bath after a hard day. Supports her kids in all they do. I’m the mom that does everything for her kids, no matter what that is.
Does the fact that I’m present in my kids lives and do everything I can for them despite my forgetfulness and tendency to burn all baked goods make me a good mom? Of course. I’m not perfect, I’m human. WHat makes a mother a good mom is her involvement in her kids lives despite what that may look like. For all of us it looks different. Some of us work full time and some of us don’t. Some of us have time for arts and crafts and some of us don’t. Our lives consist of different things making some things easier and some harder. We weren’t meant to do it all, but we are expected to.
Society wants us to believe a mom is someone who works 40+ hours a week, while showing up for everything, cooking, cleaning, and doing it all all the time. Someone who is always at the top of her game. We all know the truth though. For some of us that’s possible and some of us drown from the pressure. You don’t have to do it all. You are a good mom. You’ve always been a good mom and you will always be a good mom. Stop thinking because you can’t do it all or you’re not this other mom that you’re failing. You’re only human, give yourself a break. Comparing yourself to another mom will destroy you. You’re amazing.