There was a time in my life when I didn’t want to be a mom. THe thought wasn’t completely out of my mind, but the life I imagined didn’t involve kids. I wanted to go to beauty school and have my own salon. I pictured my days filled with running my own company and travelling the world. Taking advantage of every opportunity thrown my way and living life to the fullest. I wanted to do it all and see it all. Kids didn’t seem to fit anywhere in that picture for me.
The universe had other plans for me. When I was 16 I got pregnant and had my son. It was a time in my life I was starting to head down a bad path and I never thought I’d live to see 20. As much as the situation wasn’t ideal, he was what I needed. He saved my life and gave me a reason to do better and be better. He made me want to get my life together and I did. I wanted nothing more than to make him proud, my family proud, and prove to everyone I could do all the things they said I couldn’t do. I was on a mission – to give my son and myself the best life ever despite what that may look like. My dream life wasn’t dead, but it was something I no longer wanted.
Life was great. Not what I had imagined for myself, but it was great. What more could I ask for? Then when I was 21 I got pregnant again and had my daughter. She was the missing puzzle piece I never knew was missing. She made me want to try even harder. To push myself even further. She made me want to go to college and work to provide the best life for my family that I could. She made me want to grow and be a better person. I no longer wanted to travel the world. I was already living my best life one tiny smile and I love you at a time. The life I never saw for myself ended up being the life I needed and I didn’t even know it.
The life I imagined for myself is still possible, but it’s not something I want anymore. I don’t want to travel unless it’s to the beach to build sandcastles. Or to the zoo to see the animals. Or to the fair to watch my kids enjoy the rides. I don’t want to travel to see the world when my world is right here at home. My life now consists of volunteering at the schools, helping with the PTC (parent teacher club ‘PTA’), helping with homework, teaching life lessons, making my kids smile, and anything else my kids could ever need. Being a mom is my greatest joy in life. There’s nothing I love to do more than be a mom.
Being a mom isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and giggles. Sometimes it’s heartache and tears, fear and broken promises. As much as you try or as much as you want to, you can’t protect your kids from everything. They will get their heart broken. They will have to face their fears alone. They will get mad at you for so many things. You will break promises. Promises of taking them places or doing that thing you said you’d do. Parenting is not a perfect journey and no parenting book covers everything. You just have to figure things out along the way. Sometimes it is all smiles, giggles, and sunshine. When your kid loves you despite your bad day. Or when your kid looks up at you with those big loving eyes and smiles. Despite it all, it’s so, so worth it.
Let’s not forget about mom though. It’s not always beautiful family photos on social media or doing it all all of the time. Sometimes it’s reheating coffee multiple times a day and hiding in the bathroom to cry. Or feeling guilty for yelling. Or being the referee because the kids can’t seem to stop fighting. Things rarely go as expected in life in general, but especially in mom life. Moms tend to be the forgotten one eating cold dinners because something was spilled or someone needed help cutting their meat. Crying in the shower because it’s been a long day or they yelled and now they feel guilty. Cleaning for the third time today because it never feels done and feeling like no one notices.
The days are long. So very long, but they years really fly by. The constant cleaning. The constant fighting. The constant need to find something to do to keep the kids busy. The constant help with homework. The constant flood of emotions as your kid unloads about their day. Some days it just feels like you’re constantly waiting for bedtime so you can start fresh tomorrow. Some days fly right by when you want nothing more than for them to last forever. It doesn’t feel fair does it? Being a mom has and will always be my greatest joy in life. I’m so glad the universe knew what I needed better than I did. The life I have now is more than I could’ve ever dreamed of. I love being a mom.