I wish I could say this is my most embarrassing moment, but unfortunately it’s not. Here I am shamelessly sharing too much because why not. My goal with this blog is to always be honest, no matter what that takes. Unfortunately that means telling you about the time I almost peed myself because mom bladders are real and they suck. Or maybe it was gravity? Yeah we’ll say gravity and I can save myself some dignity.
We had a trampoline growing up. We loved jumping on the damn thing. Learning to do flips. Playing crack the egg. That terrifying moment when someone would launch you what felt like 100 feet into the air. It was great. Knowing how much fun we had, my husband and I bought one for our kids a few years ago. They’re safer now. Enclosed nets around the outside and padding on the springs. I don’t remember having those. We didn’t care if we got hurt, that was a risk we were willing to take. Of course my kids destroyed the netting and padding. Back to the old school exposed springs that pinched if someone jumped when you were getting down, but only after they shocked the crap out of you. Those were the days.
One gorgeous spring day a few years back I was watching as the kids jumped on the trampoline. They were jumping around doing flips, bouncing each other, and playing crack the egg. They were also doing flips and driving me nuts. My son was doing this weird side thing and landing on his back and my daughter was doing a somersault. That was their ‘flips.’ They were arguing over who was actually doing a flip because nothing can just be enjoyed. I told them they were both doing a good job and keep practicing. That should’ve been the end of it, but before I knew it I was telling them I could do a flip.
They wanted me to show them and before I knew it I was climbing onto the trampoline. This was it. My moment to shine. To relive the glory days of trampoline flipping from when I was 12. To prove to these kids that I am in fact the cool mom I claim to be. I’ll be honest, I was way more excited than I should have been, but seriously considering the fact I would probably be injured in my attempt. I told the kids to get to the sides and out of the way. I began to bounce, trying to reach the height I needed to fling my body in what would hopefully be an actual flip.
As I bounced up and down waiting for the right moment to show off my skills, that’s when it happened. The full force of my body weight and gravity doing its job, my bladder gave way slightly as I was propelled back into the air and halfway around into my flip. The ultimate betrayal. As I flipped through the air all I could think was ‘Oh no I peed myself.’ I landed with a thud as I basked my face on my knees. Nailed it. So there I was with pee soaked undies, a headache, and a possible black eye. I was in fact not a cool mom. I was a mess.
I hurried off the trampoline shocking the crap out of myself along the way and into the house as the kids made fun of me for my failed flip attempt. I totally would have nailed it if my weak mom bladder hadn’t failed. Thankfully my kids had no idea my bladder leaked, just enough for me to know, but not to soak through my pants. That would’ve just added fuel to the fire. Of all the times for my bladder to fail, it had to be during my big moment. Bringing me back to reality. Sending a reminder that I am getting older and my body isn’t capable of what it used to be.
So that’s the story of how I peed myself. I now understand the leg crossing before sneezing. I used to make fun of my mom for doing that. I get it now. Between having kids and aging, my bladder isn’t what it used to be. I cross my legs when I sneeze or laugh too hard, I don’t jump on trampolines often, and I take frequent pee breaks on road trips. My advice to any moms trying to show off on a trampoline – pee first. Empty that bladder before you jump. Save yourself from the dreaded leaky incident I had.