Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays. Cookies, fudge, giving, lights, magic. So much to love. I’ve passed that love onto my kids, especially my daughter. She’s been talking about Christmas and counting down the days since Halloween. She loses her mind at the thought of Christmas and not just because she gets presents. She loves to give just as much as she loves to get. This year things were different. I think our time with Christmas is reaching a new stage. This might be our last year believing in Santa. Oh my heart *grabs chest.*
No one’s ever ready for their kids to stop believing in Santa. There’s a little piece of innocence lost when your kid looks at you and says they no longer believe in Santa. My son did and it was a little soul crushing, but also relieving to know I didn’t have to be so secretive. I could wrap presents and put them under the tree early or start filling stockings. He was a champ about it too. He made sure no one ruined it for his sister and played along to encourage her. I am so incredibly lucky to have such an awesome kid like him. I wasn’t ready when my son decided he didn’t believe anymore, but I’m really not ready with my daughter. It’s coming quick and I think this is our last year believing in Santa. Say it isn’t so!
My daughter has some friends that unfortunately have more influence than I’d like at this age. Don’t get me wrong they’re not bad kids or anything, just opinionated and my daughter rolls with it. As things go with kids, one morning they got into the car and start debating whether or not Santa is real. Talking about how creepy it seems for a jolly fat man to come down your chimney to break in and leave presents while everyone sleeps (their words). They asked me if I believe in Santa and I told them of course I do. Santa doesn’t visit adults though, moms and dads play Santa for each other. Crisis averted, at least for now. I wanted her to still believe, at least give me another year. We can tackle the Santa issue next year. Selfish of me I know.
It didn’t stop there. A week after our morning Santa discussion my daughter got in the car after school and Said, “Mom is Santa really real? I don’t know what to believe anymore. I mean I still believe, but I don’t know.” I told her of course he is real. Who else would bring her presents on Christmas? It didn’t stop there. The 4 days leading up to Christmas were filled with uncertainty, doubt, wanting so bad to believe, and questions of who believes and why we believe. I was prepared to break the news if I absolutely had to, but I selfishly wanted one more year. Thanks to a post floating around Facebook, I had the perfect story. Santa is an idea. An idea to selflessly give back to others and not expect or need thanks in return. Moms and dads everywhere let their kids believe in a generous man that selflessly makes presents and delivers them once a year to all the good boys and girls.
I know it’s selfish of me to want my daughter to believe in Santa for one more year. To just hold on to that little piece of childhood innocence for just a little longer. I know it has to end sometime and honestly I knew it was coming, I just didn’t know it would be this year. It’s just Santa, an idea put in place by parents. It won’t change Christmas and it won’t change her idea, it’ll simply evolve them. Once she doesn’t believe in Santa anymore, she has a responsibility to make sure to never tell the secret and she is now Santa for someone else. As a parent, I’m never going to be ready to watch them stop believing. I’ll never not pretend to be Santa. I’ll never let that innocence of Christmas magic die.