I’m not a perfect mother. I never claim to be nor would I ever. I have my good days and my bad days. I’m constantly working on my patience with my children and my tolerance to things I can’t control. I will always be working on them. I’m an imperfect mother in an imperfect world trying my best. I do everything I can to try my best not to yell at my children, but it happens. It happens so fast I can’t stop it. My patience runs out and the next thing I know I’m yelling. Here’s what happened…
Wednesday was a busy day. We woke up late that morning. It was the day of my daughters Winter Concert. Not only are we already running late and I need to get us both ready, but I hate mornings and I’m not really feeling all that well. I hadn’t slept well the night before or the night before that or any night ever really and this was a crazy busy week for me. Somehow we managed to get ready in record time. Full hair and makeup for me and her dressed up and her hair done in 45 minutes. Off for coffee we go and to take her to school. After a short detour because of a car accident, we get her to school just in time for the bell to ring. About that time my stomach started to hurt really bad and I figured it was just something I ate or from the stress of a busy week. I drove around for a few minutes before heading back to the school for my daughters Winter Concert.
The Winter Concert went well. All the children were dressed their best and sang their best. My sister and her daughters were even able to make it. Their Winter Concert is usually in the evenings, but this year it was at 8:30 in the morning. Afterwards my sister and I went to Wal-Mart to grab a few things. While there my stomach started to hurt really bad again and I felt like I might pass out. Could this be the dreaded bug we’ve been avoiding? I certainly hope not. I have a million things to do. I head home to clean before picking up my daughter from school. Wednesdays are half days, so I only had about an hour. After I picked up my daughter from school I was really starting to feel worse. My stomach didn’t hurt anymore, but I felt off. My daughter and I took a 2 hour nap. When I woke up I felt amazing. I never had a fever or threw up, just felt a little off. We headed to my niece’s Holiday Concert. She did so good and looked so adorable all dressed up.
When we got home I realized how much I needed to do. Since I napped I still had to finish cleaning, make dinner, make candy cane reindeer, and make Christmas goodies. I still wasn’t feeling well and definitely didn’t want to do anything. I started dinner and started washing the dishes. My son and daughter wanted to help out so I put them to work making the candy cane reindeer. As things go with siblings, they started fighting. I asked them to stop and they continued. I asked them again and explained I didn’t feel good and needed them to get along for 5 seconds. They continued fighting and bickering back and forth. That’s when it happened. I lost it. I started yelling and gave them each a list of chores to do. I had had enough. I was pissed that I didn’t feel good. That I had a million things to do. That my husbands new schedule had me feeling like a single mom and I was overwhelmed. That things didn’t go as planned that day. I was pissed and frustrated. I overreacted.
Looking back now and even in that moment, it was stupid and I overreacted. My children did nothing wrong. They did what siblings do, they fought. Should they have stopped when I asked them to? Yes, but that’s not realistic. My children have a 5 1/2 year age gap. My son is 13 and my daughter is 8. My son is going through puberty, so he’s already mouthy, angry, and full of raging hormones. Throw a younger sister into the mix and I’m lucky they’re not throwing blows. She wants him to play with her like he used to and he thinks she’s annoying and wants to be left alone. They’re at hard ages when it comes to getting along. It’s exhausting. It takes everything out of me, but that’s how siblings are. They love each other and they hate each other. They fight and don’t get along. At the end of the day you know they’d do anything for each other. They were having a hard time getting along and I made the situation worse by yelling. They weren’t doing anything wrong.
I felt so bad for yelling at them and I still do. I hate that I got to that point. I hate that everything piled up on me and spilled over that day. I hate that my children were on the other end of my frustrated yelling. I didn’t feel good. I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I should have handled things differently. I should have been a better mother. It was all on me because I was having a bad day. You live and you learn. I’m not perfect, my children aren’t perfect, and life’s not perfect. It’s how you handle it that matters. This day I did not handle things well. I feel terrible about it. I strive to be the best mother I can be. Situations like this help me realize the areas I need to work on and improve to be the best mother I can be. Today is a new day and I will be better and do better. Today I will be the best mother I can be. Today I will work to improve myself, my patience, and my emotions.