My anxiety got the better of me yesterday. I’m the mom with anxiety that sometimes panics unnecessarily. In this case it was unnecessary, but can you blame me? This world is terrifying nowadays. My social media feeds are filled with missing kids. My concerns are real. So here’s what happened and how it all played out….
Yesterday I had to be at my daughters school to volunteer at 8AM. That left my son with no way to school and he thinks he’s too good to ride the bus. Honestly it’s annoying. So we made plans for him to walk to school with a friend. I never let him walk to school ever, but since he was going with a friend I figured it’d be okay. I dropped him off and told him to text me when he got to school so I knew he made it okay.
After I finished volunteering around 9:45 AM I checked my phone. No message. No missed call. My stomach instantly started knotting and I felt sick. What if something happened to him? The school doesn’t send out a notification (text, email, or call) until he misses 2 classes. That means it’ll be around another hour before I even find out. I know this because of early doctor or orthodontic appointments we’ve had. So I called my mom and asked if I should call the school and ask if he’s there. Then I called a friend and asked the same thing. I knew calling the school they couldn’t give me any information over the phone. Who says I am who I say I am? My mind instantly went to the worst.
Then I remembered I could track his location on his phone. This is one of the main reasons he has a phone. He’s 13 now and wants to hang out with friends and go to the football field, so we want to make sure he’s safe and where he’s supposed to be. I tried multiple times to load his location through the app. Try after try, it just wouldn’t work. As it turns out you can’t track his location if the phone isn’t connected to wifi, hasn’t been recently used, or is turned off. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having GPS location? I could see what apps were used within the last hour, but nothing else. At this point I thought he had skipped school or something, but I still needed that reassurance that he was okay. Even if he had skipped school, I wouldn’t have been mad. I just needed to know that he was okay.
Not hearing or knowing anything was killing me. I was literally going crazy. I was making myself physically sick to my stomach. I text him and heard nothing. I messaged him on Facebook. Nothing. The message wasn’t even opened. I know he can’t use his phone at school, so I was trying to be patient. Time was wasting. What if something did happen? I’m wasting time not knowing and the panicking is getting worse. Finally I knew how to know if he was at school. Pinnacle. The online system for everything through his school. Holding my breath and hoping for him to be there I logged on and sure enough he was at school. I felt like such an idiot. All this panicking and anxiety for nothing. He messaged me around lunchtime and said he made it, but forgot to text.
Did I over react? Absolutely. Did my anxiety get the better of me? Absolutely. I can admit that and realize now this was all so lame. But what if something had happened to him? What if I didn’t check? I wouldn’t have known he was missing for hours. This world is scary and kids go missing all the time. I wish this wasn’t a fear of mine. I wish it wasn’t something that constantly sat in my mind. I know me telling my kids to check in is annoying. I know they roll their eyes. I have anxiety. I need to know they made it wherever they’re were going. I need to know they’re safe. I need them to understand I don’t want to be the mom that panics or overreacts, but my anxiety takes over and nothing else matters.