A Letter From The Stepmom That Stepped Up

You hear about the mothers issues with step moms but you never hear the other side….

I met your daughter when she was 6 years old. She was broken and depressed because of you. I remember the first time I met her. She was sitting on the couch with tears in her eyes holding a tablet. I asked her what was wrong and she told me her mom sent her the tablet, but she didn’t want it. She just wanted her mom to show up like she had promised, but her mom never showed up. You lived in another state, not knowing the full story I told her I was sorry and you would see her soon. But you never came.

That’s when it all started. I helped her father with her. He was a single dad and working all the time. I started helping him out by picking her up from school, taking her to work with me, spending time with her, helping her with homework. Soon after that I started taking her to doctor appointments, buying her clothes, etc. I held her at night when she would cry because she missed you. You’d call her and tell her she was coming to visit for the summer. You got her hopes up and then 2 days before she was supposed to come you called her to tell her she wasn’t coming because your mental illness was bad and you didn’t want her around. I watched her go from happy to shutting down in a matter of minutes and watching her eyes well up with tears. You did this often and then would get off the phone because YOU COULDN’T HANDLE IT! What about her?! You got her excited and her hopes up for a year only to crush her. Yet I was there to pick up the pieces of this innocent heart you’ve destroyed one step at a time.

For 2 years she hated me because of you. She was mean and hateful. She tried pushing me away and I continued to love her because I knew the damage you had done to her and the lies you filled her head up with about me were the issue. Her thought process was if she got close to me I would be just like you. I didn’t have to stay or put up with it, but I did because you can’t be the mother you’re supposed to be. You brought this child into this world only to give her away and give up on her.

You asked to let your daughters move here with us until you moved here. We came and  rearranged some things and made it work. I was pregnant at the time. I took them to and from school, supported them, loved them, welcomed them with open arms, and didn’t treat them any different from any of my own kids. December came and you moved here. I helped you move into your place, helped you Christmas shop, helped you get the kids to and from school. I even came over in the middle of the night for you, only for you to up and take the kids and move back with a 4 hour warning that you were moving 1000 miles away again. Then our worst nightmare happened….

That summer my daughter (your biological child) came to visit you. She called yelling that we kept her from you and whatever other bullshit you filled in her head with, and that she wanted to live with you. As hard of a decision as it was, we knew this was never going to end until she saw what type of person you really were so her father allowed it to happen. After the longest 8 months of our lives of sleepless nights, stress, fighting, and worrying, she called wanting to come home. Now she still after all this time hated me!

Fast forward to her being 11, she told me she hated me, stopped calling me mom, called me by my name. Was absolutely defiant. But I still didn’t give up. How could I blame her when you have created this unthinkable monster of what a mother is supposed to be? Moving home to home, pressuring her to smoke weed and drink at 11 years old. Different men and women every time she turned around. Eating junk food and never a home cooked meal. Closed fists hitting her, calling her a slut and a bitch. Why should I be any different? One day I had it with her attitude and hate towards me so we took a drive and I had a long talk with her. I let her know I’m not going to leave her. I am always going to be her mom. nobody will ever take me from her, and just because she didn’t physically come from me doesn’t mean I don’t love her like she did. She told me she likes that I have rules, she has structure, a schedule, someone who cares where she is and what she is doing. THOSE WERE HER WORDS!

I tried having a relationship with you even after everything for her sake. But you couldn’t even do that.

Fast forward 2 more years. We are extremely close. She asked you to let me adopt her. That’s what she wanted for christmas. You agreed and then backed out and in return you tried to ruin my relationship with her father by making up all these lies. In your crazy mind, if I was out of the picture you could have her on a string again like a puppet. News flash….I’m not going anywhere. You’ve turned the other 2 girls that I took in and loved against me too.

I watched you rip this little girl apart one piece of her heart at a time. Meanwhile I was walking behind her putting back the pieces one piece at a time. As a mother you are supposed to sacrifice for your child, not sacrifice your child for yourself and that’s the type of person that you are. Now you can hide behind the screen and show the world what a wonderful mother you are, but everyone that knows you, knows your true colors.

Yeah…. I could hate you. I could wish everything bad upon you for everything you’ve done to my daughter, but let me say this…
Thank you.
Thank you for giving up on her.
Thank you for giving birth to her.
Thank you for giving her away.
Your loss, my gain.

She is a beautiful girl, inside and out. Yes she has an attitude problem. What 13 year old teenage girl doesn’t? She has a good heart. She’s compassionate. Even after you tore her apart she rose above it all and is becoming quite the young lady. She wanted to believe there was good in you, but she’s seeing that it’s never going to be there. She’s all around amazing, but you’ll never see that.

One day your going to wake up and she’s going to be 30 years old, married with kids of her own, a good career, and a good life. You will have missed it all. You’ve already missed 13 years of her life. But not me….I’ll be there every step of the way. Like I said. I’m not going anywhere.

Published by Ky

I'm a mom of 2 beautiful kiddos. I love to write and was inspired by a close friend to interview moms and share the good, the bad, and the ugly of motherhood. Email us to share your good, bad, sad, inspiring, or funny story. You may just be featured on our blog and Facebook page.

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