One morning while taking my son to school he turned to me and said, “You and dad fight about the weirdest stuff.” What? That was totally random. What did he even mean by that? Tom and I rarely fight anymore. Not like fighting is a bad thing. It’s inevitable in any relationship and can actually bring people closer when done productively.
You don’t make it 14 years with someone without fighting. Tom and I were young when we met and when we got married. We’ve fought about everything under the sun. We’ve had blow-up fights, fights where someone always walked away, fights that ended in tears, fights where we yelled and called each other names, and fights where we questioned our marriage. It was extremely unhealthy. But through it all we grew, our love grew, and we changed. We finally reached a point where losing each other wasn’t worth it. So yeah we fight about the weirdest stuff.
Suddenly I knew the weird stuff my son was talking about. The great toothpaste battle of 2018. Okay that wasn’t really a fight, but more of a battle of stubbornness. It was the last few drops of toothpaste in the tube and seeing who would crack first and open a new tube. Or the night neither of us could pick a restaurant to eat at so we didn’t eat. Or the fight over what color my eyes are. They’re clearly green, but he thinks they’re brown. It drives me nuts. So yeah we fight about weird stuff, but we’re not really fighting. No one raises their voice, calls names, or walks away and we always end up laughing.
What my son made me realize that day is we’re two very stubborn passionate people. Neither of us will admit when we’re wrong. We know what buttons to push to drive each other crazy. We know each other so well and have lived together for so long that we can’t imagine ourselves apart, but sometimes being together in the same house drives us nuts. But we’re passionate. We want the after fight kisses. Having the other person understand our point of view. It’s all in good fun.
There’s something valuable to teach my son here. People fight, it’s inevitable. And it’s healthy when done productively. Don’t raise your voice. Talk it out. Listen when you need to listen. Understand the other person’s point of view. Never call names. You can’t take back anything you say especially when it’s out of anger, so choose your words wisely and carefully. Hug it out. People get stressed from everyday life and they can flip their top. It happens. Be smart about it because you can’t change the past. Don’t place blame and own up to your side of things. Fighting is okay.