I don’t know if it’s just me or other people too, but the older my kids get the more I forget holidays or tend to almost blow my cover as Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. It’s not on purpose, it just happens. All the nights staying up late to wrap presents, stuff stockings or eggs, the basket building, finding something to do with the damn elf. It’s exhausting. Time gets away from me and another holiday approaches when we just had one like yesterday.
My son is 13 now. He quit believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny long ago. He knows I’m the gift giver and wrapper, stocking stuffer, and Santa of our house. He’ll tell me exactly what he wants for Christmas and what he hears his sister say she wants because he knows I’m Santa. He goes along with the Santa magic to keep his sister’s imagination growing. He knows I’m the egg stuffer, expert basket builder, and egg hider on Easter. When it comes to him, I just ask what he wants for Christmas, what he wants in his Easter basket, etc. I don’t have to worry about him knowing the magic’s not there, someone else ruined that for him.
My daughter on the other hand is a whole different story, holidays have to be a little extra for her. She’s only 7 and she fully believes in Santa Claus, Leprechauns, the Easter Bunny, and Elf on the Shelf. Our Elf on the Shelf has to move every night and have fun, otherwise she thinks something’s wrong with him – “Is he sick? Did he lose his magic?” She fully believes he ransacks the house, causes mayhem, and plays with her toys at night. She gets worried Santa won’t get her letter, can’t find a way into our house because we don’t have a chimney, and that the reindeer will get too tired before they get here. She knows Santa wraps all her presents, stuffs her stocking, and brings holiday magic. She now tries to catch Leprechauns on St. Patrick’s day and checks her trap for the goodies he left behind (thanks overachieving parents that aren’t me). She knows the Easter Bunny brings baskets or goodies and hides eggs for her to find.
I love the imagination filled child that brings so much joy on holidays and believes in magic, but I’m tired. I’m tired of staying up late trying to outlast the kids to set everything up. I’m tired of staying up late wrapping presents. I’m tired of making holidays perfect and getting up at the buttcrack of dawn with screaming excited kids in my face. I’m just tired of the holiday expectations. The last year or so, all the holidays are more of a chore walking on eggshells trying not to ruin anything and trying to remember a holiday is approaching before I’m stuck with the leftovers on the shelves the day before. I’ll cut a B that tells my child Santa or the Easter Bunny isn’t real, but I may be that B the way things are going. I don’t have the balance between an awesome mom that’s on top of her game and a comfortable mom that no longer has to worry about there things figured out yet. Or maybe the older I get the faster holidays approach. Or maybe the standards we place on holidays is just too much. O don’t know. I just hope I can get my shit together and not forget holidays anymore.